Houston Day 254 - happiness & the post-rejection blues

Funny memory from the Rudolph tour:
Tracey (my boss, large black woman with husky voice & fun smile): Hi-i-i!
300 children in unison: Hi-i-i.
Tracey: Whatcha doin'?
Still in unison: Nothin'.

Life here is going great.  Haven't had a crappy homesick day in about a month.  Friendships are growing lovely, work is just the right level of challenging, Lucas is fantabulous as always and I've been to the Down House (excellent restaurant/bar within walking distance) twice in the last few days.
Freedom Train is in the last phase of rehearsal before we open tomorrow.  Details are getting ironed out, and the performances are growing and gaining in energy (especially so when we know a good run will get us released early).  Check out photos and video of us on the Express website.  (Yes, that's me in the blonde wig for Goldilocks.  No, I don't know if I'm actually in that show or not yet.)
I've had a couple of really good auditions in the last couple of days too.  I got a callback at Masquerade Theatre, but alas not at Main Street Theater.  I forgot how much the waiting and the rejection suck.  I only found out I didn't get a callback for Main Street (my favourite company in town) because one of my friends announced jubilantly on facebook that he did, when I still hadn't heard anything.  I had to drive aimlessly around for a little while this morning to wait for the sting to wear off.  And then I came home to a lovely message from said called-back friend encouraging me despite my own lack of casting.
I feel my resilience growing.  I'm self-talking so hard my head hurts, and that's what's getting me through audition nerves and the post-rejection blues.  Jane, the Artistic Director of Hope Stone, has a little blessing she likes to say at the end of class: "Honour yourself and your body for your practice today, because it was where you needed to be as an artist and as a human being."  Lucas knows I like to repeat that to myself before auditions so he says his own little blessing over me before I go to remind me: "In nomine patri et filii et spiritu Jane-u..."
I'm also really enjoying my weekly Shakespeare class.  I feel I've improved so much in only two classes so far, and it's fun to meet more theatrically inclined people as well.  I'm working on an Ophelia monologue (was doing Joan of Arc from Henry VI but then I realised how stupid it is to rehearse a monologue from a show you don't know).
Today I enjoyed a morning off, with a pilates class at Hope Stone, breakfast at the Down House, and some time just thinking and being.  And then after our last Freedom Train rehearsal I'm having coffee with Leslie (a beautiful new friend), and THEN we open tomorrow! Hurrah!

Houston Day 251 - on not dying, and theatre in Spanish

The Freedom Train has almost arrived at the opening of the season.  We have our last rehearsal tomorrow and our first show on Wednesday.  This is the point where I start getting nervous.  In any theatre show I get excited and nervous for the opening, because you often find that in front of an audience things happen that have never happened before, and you accidentally get into the wrong costume or forget lines you haven't forgotten for weeks.  It's scary and it's out of control and it's magic.  But in a touring children's show, you've also got such huge variations between performance spaces and between different audiences (based on their age, the type of school they go to, the type of event they're at, etc.) to deal with.  Derrick and I do a spectacular fight scene as escaped slave and slave-catcher (yes, that's the one with the whip) and that's the part I am particularly excited but also worried about.  Specifically, I'm worried about smacking my head on either the ceiling or the floor, because I did that a couple of weeks ago in rehearsal and it wasn't fun.  Especially when I called Hope Stone to explain I couldn't teach that day coz I'd just injured my head and the woman I teach with, Gayla, told me there was a chance I could die.  I freaked out big time, and Shemica enjoyed calling it my "white girl moment".
Not having died, I decided to go and see a play in Spanish last night.  One of my friends from Express, Benito, directed a play called Circulo Vicioso de un Cuarteto Amoroso (Vicious Circle of Four Lovers) that is on at Talento Bilingue de Houston.  He's an excellent Stage Manager at Express, but I wanted to see his creative work.  And Lucas and I both really enjoyed the play, despite not understanding any of the dialogue except for a couple of isolated phrases and picking up three out of the four characters' names.  It was the kind of show that we could still enjoy (for starters, it wasn't interactive, so we could just sit in the audience and let it wash over us), and it didn't rely so heavily on the dialogue that we couldn't still follow the broad strokes of the plot.  There were only a couple of short moments that were uninteresting to me, because they were conversations that seemed to be purely about the exchange of information.  Also not following the dialogue made us focus on everything else about the play - the body language, the tones of voice, the visuals, the music, the business - and it was well directed and acted enough that all of those things told us stories too.  And then we took Benito out for a drink afterward and asked him questions about all the plot points we didn't pick up (and there were some pretty major ones!)
We're taking it pretty easy today, and tonight I'm singing at a cabaret run by Rachel, one of my fellow-reindeer from Rudolph.  Tomorrow is an audition, rehearsal and then dinner at Nick & Bekah's; Monday is another audition and my second out of four classes in Shakespeare I'm taking to prepare for some upcoming auditions.  Also someone's coming to fix our dishwasher.  Since it's been broken, the semblance of household order we have just managed to maintain has completely gone to the dogs.

Houston Day 248 - Happy (?) Australia Day!

So, Aussies, I gather that in y'all's time zone it's Australia Day.  Go tell Sam Neill you've eaten some lamb and played backyard cricket, drunk VB/Carlton/4X and thrown another prawn* on the barbie.  I have this craving to watch The Castle.  Maybe I'll try to do that in honour of Australia Day.  Ah, the serenity.
Actually it's not very serene here at all.  There's a big thunderstorm that came through today, and for some reason big thunderstorms here seem to come with tornado warnings.  I kept out of the rain today though, just had to step over some fallen trees on my way to work.
Last night was the State of the Union speech.   Tell you what, I'm so much more into politics here than I was back home.  I loved the State of the Union, but in my eyes Obama can do no wrong, other than making the mic give a little thumping noise every time he put his hands on the podium.  I also really really want Rick Santorum to drop out of the race soon, because he represents everything evil about America ("I'm going to nationalise my prejudices and call it American family values").
But I did get the overwhelming impression that America is all about protecting their way of life.  I'm pretty sure most countries are about that too, but America is the one I'm viewing with a outsider's eye right now (although becoming less and less of an outsider every day).  There's just this feeling that there's something sacred about going to college, getting a good job, owning your own home and being a citizen of the most powerful nation in the world.  Does anyone else get the sense that there's something wrong with this picture? What is it?
And the other question that is haunting me at the moment is this...whose backs are we riding on in order to live that life? Doing Freedom Train, reading "State by State" (a book Mum gave me about the fifty United States), thinking about Australia Day...these are all making me aware that very good things and very evil things are all mixed in together.  On Friday I left Freedom Train rehearsal, where I daily explore the fact of slavery, to go to Fredericksburg.  Then the next night in Fredericksburg we got to a little historical-ish restaurant that encouraged you to "go back and visit the 1800s", and they had an old cotton gin out the front....with some cotton fluff in it...and I thought, whose hands operated that machine?
Southern gentility, the cotton industry, the wealth of the South...all these things were really tied up with slavery.  It's the same with Australia.  We wouldn't be the country we are or the people we are without shitty colonialist attitudes, genocide of the Aborigines, and transportation, which I think we're all agreed was a low-down, unfair thing to do to a person.  I mean, Australia's great and all, but if someone wanted to ship me off to the end of the earth coz I committed petty theft, I'd say thanks but no thanks.
And yet, I'm proud of my heritage, and I know I wouldn't be an Australian of British descent if it hadn't been for the colonisation of Australia.  Even though I'm pretty sure I had no ancestors in the First Fleet, I buy into the legends and the mythology and the imagery - I am proud of my supposed convict past; drovers and Aussie battlers haunt my dreams; I feel that on some basic level I must be a stockman, even though until a couple of weeks ago I never held a whip in my life; I am a British settler bringing things like cricket and tea and hoop skirts to a harsh environment in order to maintain my way of life. I love my home country, I'm learning to love the country I live in, and I even really love the Motherland (please, God, let me live in London one day).  But there's been an awful lot of cruelty and unfairness in the past to make these places the way they are. 
And... whose backs are we riding on now in order to maintain them?

In honour of Australia Day, I shall leave you with some song lyrics to enjoy and/or ponder.  They come from a musical called Manning Clark's History of Australia.  A chorus of convicts sings this song early on in the show, and then in the finale every single character, including Henry Lawson, Dame Nellie Melba, Queen Victoria, and a bunch of other historical characters, reprise it together:

We are they who paved the way,

That you might take your ease today.

Convicts sent to hell

To make in the desert a living well;

To bear the heat, to blaze the track,

Crimson furrows across our back,

To split the rock, to fell the tree:

A nation is because of me.

Houston Day 247 - Happy Anniversary!

Lucas and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary last weekend! Our tradition is that we take turns every year in planning a surprise for the other one.  It was Lucas' turn this year, and he picked me up early from work on Friday and took me out to Fredericksburg, in the hill country about an hour past Austin.
It's a beautiful little historic town, and in the 1800s was the centre of German immigration in Texas.  We stayed in a little cottage with an outdoor spa, enjoyed the town's shops and restaurants, and also played Scrabble with the lovely wooden set that was my anniversary present from Lucas.  I was so excited to see some great Texas storybook stereotypes the further we got out in the country....an archway over a ranch with blue sky, little cows on little green hills; large men in plaid shirts with cowboy hats and enormous moustaches; women with twangy accents and big hair :)

Houston Day 239 - Learning how to wield power (and a whip)

Hey blogworld.  Freedom Train is all the fun and interesting-ness that it promised to be.  Firstly, I am advancing (if somewhat slowly, which is also good for me) in my linguistic efforts.  Multiple accents and languages in the one show? Bring it on, liebchen.
The big challenge, though, which I hadn't anticipated quite so consciously or articulately, is playing a whole new level of bad guy.  Being an ambitious reindeer was one thing.  The day we were rehearsing the slave-catcher scene, where I chase and am trying to catch Derrick (=escaped slave) and someone yelled "Props!" and put a whip in my hand...that's an entirely different thing.
I haven't ever played a character with that level of malice or inhumanity.  I have never been so aware of the power relationships between different characters.  I recognise that this is really good for me as an actor, but it's freaking me out and quite a challenge for me to hold that power, when power in this case is incredibly evil and destructive.  What helps is for me to remember that the other actors probably don't identify with their characters any more than I do, so I'm not actually hurting them.  And I see them in rehearsal, also aware of the power relationships, subjugating their characters where appropriate, yielding the power to my characters, giving me permission to do my job well.
Whoo, heavy stuff.  Happy Martin Luther King Day, everyone.

Houston Day 234 - All aboard for the Freedom Train

Rehearsals started this week for Freedom Train, Express Children's Theatre's Black History Month show.  It's a fascinating story, about how a family of slaves escaped their owners and ran away to freedom in Mexico.  It's quite the linguistic challenge for me.  I play a slave-owner (Southern accent) and a German immigrant living on the Texas/Mexico border helping slaves on their way to freedom (German accent with several German and Spanish words thrown in).
It's good to be back at work after the break.  The team is all the same as it was for Tom & Huck.  The funny thing is, though - I'm working a regular schedule, not too busy, and well-planned out thanks to the glorious Home Office...and I kind of don't know what to do with myself! Next week's busier though, with some more days at the Opera.
Lucas is home from work so I'm gonna sign off and hang out with him!

Houston Day 231 - easy like Sunday morning (yeah yeah yeah)

A couple of Houston friends very kindly suggested that they were happy not to hear from me this weekend and that it was more important to rest up and hang out with Lucas.  And rest we have.  Yesterday we slept in, had a quiet breakfast at home and then set out on Home Office Day.  We achieved the biggest task, which was to establish a new filing system for all our household papers so that my desk doesn't become a space for general household clutter.  With a little bit more work tomorrow I shall have a functional and fun place to work.  The other challenge is to train myself to stop thinking about work when I'm not "at work".  Lucas will often ask me what I'm thinking while we're snuggling together and the answer is often something like "I'm just trying to figure out what to sing at the Annie audition" or "I'm worried about my headshots" or "I'm nervous about x y or z..." I need to learn to compartmentalise my life just a little more so that my whole life isn't about my work.  Although bringing my work into the rest of my life has the humourous consequence of Lucas becoming my stage mum - my career is such a shared project.  "Have we done singing practice in the last few days?" "Have we learnt to prepare a little more for auditions next time?" "Doesn't someone need to go over her lines this evening?"
Speaking of headshots, the session went really well on Friday and I have some great shots.  It was all very America's Next Top Model, with the makeup artist coming in between shots to fix my hair.  At certain points I felt like it was just about an excellent photographer showing off the work of an excellent hair & makeup artist and while it all happened to be centred around my body, I didn't need to do much.  That was quite relaxing, actually.  Because there is a certain amount of just being a body as an actor - you wear someone else's creativity on your body, and you got the gig because you happen to have the right body for it.  The photographer knew the kinds of looks I was going for, so I just entrusted myself to her direction.

Here are a couple of my favourite shots.  If you like her work you can check out clairemcadamsphotography.com.

Houston Day 229 - some thoughts about Melbourne

I woke up this morning thinking about what Melbourne's "word" is.  In Eat, Pray, Love there's a bit where the main character is in Italy discussing what word describes the flavor, the values and the goal of each city.  She and her friends conclude that New York's word is "work", and that one of the cities in Italy (I forget which) is best described by "pleasure", and another's word is "sex".  I think I'm remembering that right.  After I read that book I got talking to my friend Bry, who recommended the book to me, about what Melbourne's word is, and I can't remember if we came up with one or not, but now I've been away from it for a while I think Melbourne's word might be something about "difference" or "special" or "uniqueness".  I'm not that well-travelled compared to some people but more than any other place I've been, it seems that Melbourne is full of people and businesses all trying to be special in some way.  Fewer people than here in the U.S. are content to live in houses that from the outside look identical to their neighbours'; most Melburnians dress in their own special style, or at least try to; and each of the millions of cafes and restaurants and bars manages to be different from most of the rest.  All of those tiny theatre companies that never get any money are seeking to be unique.  Everyone's trying to develop their own one-of-a-kind flavor and add it to the city's melting-pot.  So there's a certain amount of self-consciousness about that, but it also means it's an incredibly creative place to live.  Am I right about that? Or am I romanticizing Melbourne now I'm away from it?
I haven't got a sense yet of what Houston's word is.  Other than "hot".  Yesterday was so warm (although apparently about ten degrees cooler than L.A.) I'm worried that winter is over already and we're slowly inching our way toward a boiling-hot spring.
We dropped Lex and Monica and baby Chase off at the airport yesterday, with their six or seven large pieces of luggage.  Travelling with a child is not something I'm going to sign up to anytime soon.  But it's been so nice to see them.  And now it's back to work: I'm getting new headshots taken today, which should be fun although I'm a little nervous, Lucas is back at work today and tomorrow (Saturday) he's helping me set up my home office.  2012 is underway.

Lucas assisting Chase in his exploration of our backyard

To see all my photos from December, check out this link.

Houston Day 224 - Hello again!

Hey blog readers, bet you've missed me.  December is over, and whilst it was great, I'm definitely not planning on repeating that little stunt of hyper-busy-ness.  This year my New Year's Resolution is to give up complaining, and a larger goal is to develop a rhythm of work that allows me to 1) perform 2) get all the other stuff, like admin, audition hunting, play-reading & -writing, that allows me to perform, done and 3) see Lucas and also relax.  So as a step toward that, Saturday is the Home Office Setup Day.
We got back from Christmas in Idaho yesterday, and that journey was really good practice in exercising my New Year's Resolution :) We were both hungover from an excellent birthday/NYE celebration which involved many cocktails and crashing on Dave & Shannon's air mattress.
It's been a big year, culminating in a big month....we're both tired on a very deep level, and a little bit clingy and sentimental.  I have a couple of times in the last week cried for no reason.  It was so good to get home and sleep in today.  We went to pick up Lex & Monica from the airport (yay, more Aussie visitors - and they came bearing Tim Tams!!!) and on the way Lucas took me to one of his favourite lunch spots near his work.
Tomorrow I have my first voiceover audition at my new agent's.  A little unsure of how it's going to work - apparently they have a recording studio there but my studio experience is limited, plus I don't know if there's a technician or if I have to run everything myself.  Useful to find out though! First time for everything!